“I write because writing is evidence that I am still alive.”
-Aya Kito, One Litre of Tears



Ereena's

Annisa's

Afrizal's

Yang Tercinta, Eva Aqilah

Izura Shukor's

Kak Baya's

Julia's

Dini's

Kak Ayu's

Karmen's

Izzah's

Yi Wen's

Joyce's

Andrew's

Mora's

Jannah's

Reha's

© Layout: AmericanRoyalty
Color codes: xoxo
Inspirations: the chemistry skin/hm & paranoid/*éf

PARANOID

illusions

makes me downcast, down▼ , down▼ , down▼ backtracks: February 2012 backtracks: March 2012 backtracks: April 2012 backtracks: May 2012 backtracks: June 2012 backtracks: July 2012 backtracks: August 2012 backtracks: September 2012 backtracks: October 2012 backtracks: November 2012 backtracks: December 2012 backtracks: January 2013 backtracks: February 2013 backtracks: March 2013 backtracks: May 2013 backtracks: June 2013

It makes me sad or even offended sometimes when I hear or read this statement, "Kau tak payah nak pakai tudung labuh kalau perangai pun macam tah apa2" or "Tak payah nak pakai tudung labuh kalau kau tak mampu nak istiqamah nanti" ESPECIALLY when it comes from these 'daie's on Twitter. Honestly, is it fair to say that? If it's like that, then when WILL we know that we are ready? That we are able to istiqamah later on? Honestly, how does that statement help anyone?

I'm not going to lie, I don't wear tudung labuh all the time. I take my time with it and I wear it when I am completely sincere. Because everything I do, what I wear is for my Creator. To please Him. And I know that Allah doesn't expect His servants to be perfect and what's most important is your effort. For me, I still alternate between tudung bawal, bidang 50, bidang 60 and only recently that I've brought tudung koshibo (or more known as tudung ustazah, the ones with the material of tudung sekolah). It doesn't really matter what you wear, as long as it covers your aurat. There isn't a problem to wear tudung bawal as long as you wear a neck inner because it's quite sheer. 

But I think it's unfair to say that someone shouldn't wear it just beause they won't be able to istiqamah. For me, if you want to wear it, if you have the slightest desire to change to become better then do it. Because when you change for Allah, to become better, then He will make it easier for you. Why does it matter if someone alternates between tudung labuh and tudung bawal? Why should it matter? Not everyone is able to change drastically. Not everyone is able to stay with the choices that they make. So, do it at your own pace, even if it's slow. May Allah reward our efforts, InsyaAllah (:







To the person who JUST found out that I have a blog.

Well.. I expected you to know. I don't find any reason to tell people I have a blog, especially when it's filled with jibberish nonsense. And I don't write so people will read my blog, it's simply a way for me to let loose and let go. It doesn't help that I rarely update now and my writing skills are getting worse. I don't even have the time to write in my journals anymore and I don't have time to read. I can't even finish The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett even though it's quite thin. sigh . 

Anyway, I just finished my Physics paper and well... it was quite pathetic >< Okay, I answered everything and I vow to not fail again like I did for my Test 1, I'm pretty sure I won't for this. I only have another paper left for Test 2 and it's home for me, I guess. It makes me sad that everything's going way too fast. My roommate just mentioned that she'd have to bring back her stuffs here so it won't be hard for her when our Asasi ends because she lives in Pahang. Looking at the state of my partition right now, I seriously have to bring back at least a quarter of my things here this weekend. Man, I have waaaay too many stuffs here. 

Ehh. Since the Internet here is being a such a loser tonight, I think I'll stop here. Ahh, remember the times when I would write non-stop and it would go on and on. Well, you won't see that side of me until Asasi ends, I guess. Then you'll see me write everyday for 4 MONTHS, okay? Heh. 

Assalamualaikum :)

Some say it's different,

Some say it's blind.

Some of your definitions may not be similar to mine,

But I see love as sacred to The Most Divine.

Please, don't misunderstand.

My intention here is only to remind,

Cus afterall I'm still trying,

Trying to be His favourite kind,

So that I could please Him as His servant,

And I go on my days with this as my inspiration,

So that on the Day of Judgment,

I hope I won't be a disappointment.

You see,

Different people lead different kinds of lives,

Some prefer the truth,

While the other, prefer the lies,

But no matter how much you try,

You know your heart can never deny,

Because what's right will always be right.

Have a clear perception to what Islam brings to our lives,

What has been forbidden was for the sake of our peace of mind,

I mean, haven't you realized?

Just take a look at everything around you,

And you'll surely understand,

The creation of the earth itself is beyond our reachable minds,

So how long do plan to continue living in this lie?

An-Nisa' war Rijal,

Muslimeen wal muslimaat,

Mu'mineen wal mu'minaat,

Allah has granted us with an amazing gift,

A gift of a lifetime.

In our hearts, there lay something called Imaan,

So take good care of it,

As it is fragile,

Start obeying Allah's commands,

And leave the bad behind,

Because believe me when I say this to you,

It will lead you to the truth,

The truth everyone has been trying so hard to find.

So my brothers and sisters in Islam,

When you love, love with all of your heart,

When you give, give it all that you might.

But remember Allah in all that you're doing,

So that one day, your love will truly be for the ones that's deserving.

Had Asasi Education Fair 2013 today! :)
So basically, I have to pick courses for my degree before the 20th of March and I only had vet in mind this morning. I still do, only with the addition of ecology now. Everyone seems so sure with what they're going to choose, and yet I'm still clueless. Yea.

So basically lecturers/officers from all the faculties (except Language because APPARENTLY we, ASPer-ians can't take Language since we're science based) gave a short talk on their faculties and the courses offered.  However, 15 minutes is seriously not enough to talk about a whole faculty okay? I know we're expected to ask further questions at the booths but I don't even know what course to pick, for goodness' sake. And around 1000+ students (ASPER-ians, fast tracks, students from different schools) rampaging a few faculty booths at the same time is not cool, okay? I hate crowds.

I got interested in ecology all of a sudden because I saw 'Psychology' in the list of subjects in the course (Bacelor Sains Pembangunan Manusia) and also, because the 'kakak' who explained it was very convincing. 

So anywaaay, pray for me that I make the best choices and I hope Allah ease me and everyone who's picking their courses for this year's degree, InsyaAllah :)






I deleted one of my posts because I sounded insanely ungrateful, Astaghfirullahalazim :( Ya Allah, minta aku dijauhkan dari sikap seperti itu lagi. Terlalu banyak silapku terhadap kedua ibu bapa ku. Jadi kau redhailah mereka dan masukkan mereka ke Jannatul FirdausMu. Moga aku mendapat kejayaan di dunia dan akhirat dan dapat membanggakan kedua-dua ibubapa ku. Amin.

Hmm.
Anyway, I went to Penang :)
See, Ain? Everything comes easily when you are patience and you believe in Allah. Alhamdulillah. It was a fun experience and I would like to thank both of Anis' parents for giving us a place to stay, food, transport,experience and love like our own parents. We stayed in Penanti and went to Bukit Bendera, Batu Feringghi, Empangan Mengkuang, Pantai Merdeka and Kulim. Maybe I'll talk about it more later since I'm quite tired right now and I might sleep with the laptop on if this keeps on going. Heh. 

Good night and assalamualaikum :)











Alhamdulillah, Allah has changed me for the better ever since I've entered UPM and I've grown more matured because of it. Do you know how it feels to be loved by Allah? It is the most precious unexplainable extraordinary feeling. You know that warm and safe feeling when you wrap yourself with a warm blanket? It feels like that, wrapped in Allah's love. You feel safe and collected, like nothing can hurt you. I would like to think myself as slowly reaching proper Hijrah to the right path. I'm still far from being a perfect Muslimah, but I would like to think that I'm getting there even if it's slow. No matter if they're baby steps or if I'm running to that path. Because I know that,

If you walk towards Allah, He will run towards you.

But how? How do we change for better? To be honest, it starts with the simplest things that we keep on forgetting. For me, I guess it started with SOCKS. My mum has always reminded me about socks, how our feet are our aurat. But still, my heart didn't open up to it. I just didn't understand and I just took it lightly. But then with my friend's advices and looking at how majority of the girls in ASPer wear it, I simply wore it and it just didn't seem like a hassle after wearing it every day. Second was hand sock and stopping myself from 'sinsing lengan baju'. I think people keep forgetting that our arms and our feet are aurat, I was one of these people. The reason I wore hand sock is because this is what came into my mind,

Bila kau tulis kat board depan satu kuliah, bukan ke lengan baju kurung kau jatuh and tertayang tangan kau? Mudahnya orang nak tengok aurat kau. Kenapa tak tutup, Ain?

Third for me was jeans. To be honest, I've never felt comfortable in jeans. Never never never. Especially seluar jeans sekarang yang memang confirm ikut bentuk & cutting kecik gila kan? To be honest, I only have one slacks which I wear as a substitute for jeans. At first, I bought it because supposedly you can't wear jeans to the university but then I realize that jeans are actually extremely tight. Remember girls, kita nak tutup aurat bukan balut aurat! :) InsyaAllah, I'll try wearing skirts after this. 

Fourth was clothes. To be honest, I don't know what to do with my old t-shirts anymore. Haha. But I take it as a good thing since I've only realize that they are insanely tight and short. No more! Only clothes that covers our 'behind' and are loose should be worn. And finally, our tudung. Okay, let's do an activity! Sila ambil salah satu tudung bawal korang. Now, bentang luas2 and angkat. Jarang tak? Jarang isn't it? Now lipat jadi triangle macam yang kita selalu buat bila nak pakai and look at it now. Still jarang isn't it? Cuba pakai tapi jangan pinkan ke tepi, can you see your neck through your tudung? Yes? Okay, I'm not saying that you shouldn't wear tudung bawal anymore because I still wear it too but maybe a tudung inner with neck should be worn as well :) 

Or better yet, tudung bidang 50/55/60 and above? To be honest, for me, this is the most precious change for me. I've always been afraid of wearing tudung labuh because I feel like my attitude would only bring shame to the image of tudung labuh. And I've always wondered if it's hot to wear it, especially in this weather. But let me tell you now, it doesn't feel hot at all. Way better than wearing pashmina. InsyaAllah, I'll buy more since I only have 5 tudung labuh. 

I pray that I'll continue istiqamah and maintain this change. And I pray that you will too, dear sisters :)