comfort
Thursday, September 13, 2012 / 11:19 PM
I'm surprised sometimes.
Here, around my neighborhood and my old school, I would be quite. I didn't even mind sitting alone just now at the masjid, where we were having a regale for Hari Raya, and I didn't talk most of the time. I'm awkward around people, I don't know how to converse and I don't know how to act most of the time.
I am completely grateful that I am comfortable in UPM. I'm blessed with people who I can easily get along with. There's still times when I do feel awkward and I run out of ideas on what to talk about but, I'm much more comfortable. People don't interrupt when I talk anymore, I'm not cut off when I'm being serious about something, people actually laugh at my jokes instead of making fun of me, people actually try to get to know me and people actually listen to me now.
I'm not trying to say that all of my old friends made me feel this way, but most of them did. I guess I'm tired of people treating me that way. Whenever I try to be nice to someone, I am treated as a joke. I guess that's why I decided to become myself now. I say what I want, become crazy when I want, angry when I want to be. I'm tired, tired of people telling me what to do and treating me, labelling me as the shy girl. I think that's the problem, I am the person you label me as. If you keep treating me like I'm shy and won't converse with me properly, then I will be that person.
I pray to Allah that I will always find this kind of comfort because I don't want to be the old me anymore.
“Even the smallest tender mercy can bring peace when recognized and appreciated.”
“I write because writing is evidence that I am still alive.”